culinary cock-up: skint sausages

so this was my inner monologue today:

welp, we’re completely skint. again. can’t even afford a pack of linda mccartney sausages. bollox. what are we supposed to eat our leftover gravy with??

oh hey hang on! i can make my own bloody sausages!!

but i only have like a quarter cup of gluten in the cupboard. 

wait! i still have fuckloads of shiro from christmas! that’s basically just berbere-spiced gram flour so all i have to do is find a gluten-free sausage recipe.

like this one.

wait a sec. gram flour won’t work??! oh fuck it like i give a crap.

what is all this shit. arrowroot blahblah. amaranth flour. fucking xantham gum.

oh hey i have more gluten than i thought. faaab. fuck off with your flax egg dodgy gluten-free blahblah bollox.

dammit are we seriously out of oats??? fuck it i’m using bulgur wheat. oh amaranth is a nut flour? fuck it i’m dumping in some pee-kanns. mixy-mixy-mixmix! time to bake it!!

…welp. that literally looks like a log of shit.

fuck. it.

***one hour later***

hey that actually smells edible!!

you scrub up nice, sausages. ^_^

skint sausages
ingredients
1/2 cup gram flour
1/2 cup vital wheat gluten
1/3 cup bulgur wheat
1/4 cup nut pieces or nut flour (eg pecan)
1 tsp salt
2 Tbsp nutritional yeast, or 1 tsp marmite
3/4 cup hot vegetable stock
2 Tbsp vegetable oil
2 Tbsp vegan worcester sauce
1 tsp liquid smoke
1 tsp – 1 Tbsp spices (my gram flour was already seasoned with berbere spice – if you’re stuck for ideas just google the flavour profile you want)

method
first put the bulgur wheat in a bowl with 1/2 cup of boiling-temperature vegetable stock. cover and let sit for about 15 minutes.

meanwhile, mix all your dry ingredients, including spices, together in a mixing bowl. add the bulgur when ready. mix all the wet ingredients together, including the remaining stock, in a separate bowl, and add to the dry ingredients 1/4 cup at a time. work the dough with your hands – it should be loose and moist, but still kneadable. 

divide your dough into quarters, roll into a log shape (careful, it’s prone to falling apart, also it looks like shit lol), and wrap tightly in foil. place your sausages on a baking tray and bake at 180C for one hour.

this makes 4 moist, crumbly sausages, but can easily be doubled or trebled if you have more gluten to hand.

potential improvements
add 1 bread heel’s worth of breadcrumbs and 2 Tbsp plain flour.

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